My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
