lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
