It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
