She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize