You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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