dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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