i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
