Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
