He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
