On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
