i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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