bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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