my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
