I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
