my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
