They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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