So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
