i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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