i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
