You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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