Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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