she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
