at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
