Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
