I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
