I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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