I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
