That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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