Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
