I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
