erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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