She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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