This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
