he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
