I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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