I look better un-naked...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
