You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize