Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
