My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
