At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
