you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3pm strippers are depressing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize