forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
