My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
