Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize