Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
