He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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