he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
