I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize