He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
