So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
