I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
