I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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