Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
