The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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