eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize