She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
