i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
