I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
