Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
