it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
