one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize