No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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