I'm going to jail i love you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
