I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize