side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
