Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
