Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize