You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
