i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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