my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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