She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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