I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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