It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
