Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
