I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
