you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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