I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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