i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
