Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
