I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
