He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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