You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
