I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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