i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
