What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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