Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
