Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
