It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
