I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
