I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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