In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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