Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
