so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
