I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
