Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize