you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize