Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
