My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
