that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
