and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
