Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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