This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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