If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize