At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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