I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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