wat bout pragnant strippers??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize