I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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